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Fruit of a poisonous tree poem about LSD
Sunday, August 29, 2013
There’s more to relationships than a superman view of the world. Over 50% of your experiences of love in a relationship are those that you think are of no value, the parts you do not discuss, do not share or do not care to.
They are “unmentionable” so that you don’t have to deal with them.
So many things we think we have in common we will never ever agree about.
We all “deal with” what we cannot control and so for me its my ex and what I cannot control is my reactions to the way they treat me, think and behave towards me. Their irrationality, their contempt for me, their feeling of superiority to me which their family history has handed them, their non-acceptance of the part they have played in my life and so on. All of this can make me very sensitive, difficult to deal with.
I have to see and hear things all over again and it hurts. I feel angry but its all out in the open now, it takes the heat off me. I feel more available to be hurt by them. So there is nothing to hide and I feel I have the choice and right to be hurt by them. I am very much “in” my head when I am hurt.
You can do it for yourself
I find it hard to be rational when my whole world is being blown up around my head. I do want to control them but I need to take care of myself first.
One way I handle my stress is by allowing myself to feel my pain. This has two benefits.
1) By feeling my hurt it is a less daunting task than trying to understand someone else’s hurt.
2) By feeling my pain it helps me regain my sense of self-worth and enable me to take steps to increase it.
To express your pain and experience your hurt is to “go under” and it is no use going under if you are on top.
You can see I am doing it for myself and trying to stay out of the emotional turmoil.
If you find you are struggling and want a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to your pain without judgement, someone who is always available, you can book in with me. We can do a session on face to face on Skype but there is also a Skype group that meets on the same time as I see clients. It is free to join and I would be happy to see you. I try to put a 30 minute time limit on the session and you would get a 5 minute freebie so you would know where you are coming from if you wanted to do it.
Last month I went to a TAT class in Oxford. My experience of my week with TAT was completely different to my normal week because TAT has a different approach. Instead of my normal clients attending a private workshop I attended a series of TAT classes, this was called “Open Door”.
I liked what I saw but I felt I was always thinking that I was not following the agenda properly. I like the way TAT works where the leader facilitates but I felt they were always telling me what I needed to do, they were always correcting me if I missed out something important. I was sure that I was missing something. It was like they knew what was going on in my life because they “told me” they did. It felt like there was always someone with a problem.
I never felt I was doing TAT. I felt I was listening but I was doing it more like observing or feeling something. I never felt like I was doing the “core task”. I am sure I did for them but that was not how I felt.
If you find yourself struggling with how to handle other people, the complexity of life and the different ideas people seem to have, the how to share what you think and know, then TAT would be a great place for you to spend some time.
There are many groups and sessions but the good ones are fast paced, fun and interesting.There are free classes but these are “fast doers” that only last half an hour and you